Personal Stories

Amanda's Story

I love the video we provide under ‘The Signs’ category. It states, “Abuse can happen to ANYONE!” “One out of every FOUR women experience abuse,” and “pain is not easily seen.” It’s insane how common abuse can be. I would have never thought I would experience abuse, but like the video said it could happen to anyone.
I went through abuse with my college boyfriend. He eventually became my fiancé for a little while but I got myself out of the situation before it could get any worse. In the beginning of our relationship is was pure bliss. We were around each other every chance that we could get. When we were getting to know our likes and dislikes, he really adsorbed what I truly loved because he used it against me later. He treated me right, buying me sweet gifts and telling me how he loved me and how he thought I was the one.
Once he knew I was hooked, he started to sneak off and disappear for a long time. He wouldn’t answer my text or calls and it worried me. It was such a difference from being with one another every moment, to being with each other when he felt like it.
I found out he was seeing other girls. He wasn’t in any sort of relationship with them, but it was a game to him. He would seek out innocent girls and break them down. I would try to leave the relationship so many times, but he would bring back the ‘likes’ of mine and use them. For example I loved roses. He would come by my house with roses and apologize. After that, it was like nothing had ever happened. He would be with me for a couple days and then disappear again. It was a vicious cycle.
Another semester came and I was attached. I would have never believed that it was falling apart. People would try to tell me things, but I wouldn’t listen. He started to become worse. It came to a point where we would just fight. He kept blaming me. He kept saying he would see the other girls because of how I looked or how I wouldn’t do certain things for him.  I would cry and poor my heart out while he watched and seem to never care. I would never forget his blank expression when I would just cry.
It eventually came to the point where I felt like our fights were all my fault. I cut out so many people in my life so he would see that I would do anything. I had so many friends that I pushed away because he didn’t like them, I changed my appearance so he would see I was beautiful; it was mostly emotional and verbal abuse until it eventually lead to physical.
Towards the end of our relationship our fights were one sided. I wouldn’t say a thing because anything I said would be wrong. My self- esteem was gone. I finally spoke up about leaving again and he grabbed my arm so hard that it bruised. I actually screamed and his roommates heard me. This is the first time anyone had been around our fights. I will never forget their faces when they ran to see if I was okay. Just seeing their faces helped me think “what am I doing?” All I did was run out of their apartment. I don’t know what happened when I left, but the next day one of his roommates came to me just to talk. He pointed out something that I would always remember. He didn’t want details, but he asked if I felt like I wouldn’t be accepted by any man again because of how I felt about myself and what he made me do in our relationship. He hit it right on the spot. That’s exactly how I felt. I felt like everyone just hated me. I felt like I wouldn’t be accepted by anyone. I felt dirty, I felt ugly, and I hated myself. His roommate helped me see I was something. I deserved the best and it’s never too late to get out.
I finally just cut myself off. I changed my phone number, I surrounded myself with my roommates and kept going to church. I visited my bishop to help me, and I had a lot of personal alone time at the park or in a church surroundings. I would always read scriptures and prophet insight to help me see I can do it. I’m worth it. God loves me no matter what!
He still knew where I lived, but I made sure I was never alone at home, always surrounded by loving people, and eventually went back to the temple. He did end up at my door a couple times and actually stalked me on a date once, but I had wonderful people that protected me and helped.  I knew that I didn’t deserve this. I knew I could be forgiven and find someone that would love me for ME.
It’s not easy to get out of something like this, but it’s WORTH IT. I’m living my life to the fullest. I’m married to the most wonderful man and I’m a mother. Writing this was really hard for me because of how foolish I was, but I wasn’t myself. It’s scary what a person can do to you and you don’t even realize it. It was hard for me to express what happened and not be mad at myself for staying, but it can happen to anyone. Even though I was scared to write this, I’m happy to express to everyone that YOU DO MATTER. Someone out there does love you. You can leave and have a better life. Seek for help- it is out there.

Jared's Story

My wife was first married when she was 18 years old. She thought they'd be together forever! However, two months into the marriage, he decided that she wasn't attractive anymore. So he would belittle her by telling her she was ugly or that she doesn't do it for him anymore. This took a toll on my wife, as you can imagine.  She felt ugly and fat because that's what he would tell her. It was not a healthy relationship. 
Too often we forget that domestic violence can be verbal as well as physical. My wife was verbally abused for 10 months, until she got out. She has become a stronger women from it, and the women I fell in love with.  

Kelly's Story

Like many domestic violence victims there is a fear to leave.  you wonder what will happen to your life and maybe your children's lives.  Many victims choose to stay with their abuser out of fear of the unknown, fear of retribution from the offender, or because their self-esteem has been completely demolished.  It's scary to leave an abusive relationship; to try to escape the control of someone who claims to love you.  The brave women who try to leave their abusive relationship show strength and courage beyond measure. 
Sometimes though it's too late; the abuse has gone too far, and the abuser acts out and just one last time hurts the victim but this time there is no going back, no picking up the pieces because it's over - a life has violently and selfishly been taken.
My cousin Kelly had been married for over ten years.  Kelly was a mother of two beautiful children and a beloved elementary teacher within her community.  Kelly and her husband's relationship had been rocky about a year before she had decided to leave. Her husband found her passport and a plane ticket, and snapped.  He knew that she was leaving and he grabbed their shot gun, walked upstairs into their bedroom where was was with their 9 year old daughter and shot her point blank in the chest - killing her.  Kelly's life was taken without a second thought or consideration from an act of anger and hatred.  Not only was her life taken, but two young children lost their parents - an entire family was destroyed, all because a man thought he had the right to dictate whether or not his wife could leave their marriage or not.
I'm sharing this story in hopes that someone out there who needs to hear this will find it, and that Kelly's story will help them understand that their life is worth so much more.  Nobody has the right to tell someone they can't leave the relationship.
If you are in an abusive relationship find the power, strength, and courage to get out and get help!  It is not your fault and nobody can make you stay.
Domestic violence is a taboo topic, people don't talk about it because we have this unhealthy belief that we shouldn't get involved in people's business - that if it happens behind closed doors it's between them.  If you know someone who is a victim of domestic violence lend them a shoulder, help them get out, and do whatever you can to build back up their self-esteem.  Encourage them to seek out resources, help them understand they are not alone, and there are people who can and want to help.